i've lived in new york all 23 years of my little life and i'm just stupified, dumbfounded, devasted, and disgusted by everything.
i live literally 15-20 minutes away from JFK airport, and of all the 15 years of i've lived on the island, it's never been as silent as this.
i'm used to hearing airplanes fly over my house every 5 minutes. and now i hear the crickets louder than ever.
the only thing i've heard since all halted planes are the military aircrafts landing at the airport.
and it's a roaring sound. louder than the commercial jets.
at first, i got really nervous when i heard that.
"wait a minute, there aren't supposed to be any planes flying right now. what if it's another terrorist plane!"
then i saw on the news - "military and US guard aircrafts landing at JFK"
........................
i want to cry hystercially, and i can't. i'm in a state of total shock.
i found out at around 10:30am. my cousin called me frantically trying to find out if my dad was ok, because she can't through to her brother who was down by the twin towers.
half asleep, i'm like, "what's going on?"
"turn on the tv.."
and as i turn on the television, i watched the second tower completely collaspe live on tv.
my mouth just dropped.
they rerun that scene over and over, and every time i see it, my mouth drops.
the city will never be the same. it's like someone ripped its guts out. it's empty.
we could see the smoke from here. and i live about 40 minutes away from the city. nevermind the empire state building, it was the twin towers you could see from every angle, even from long island.
.........................
my father was fine. thank god. he was in the bronx. and he had court downtown today too. obviously that didn't happen. it took him forever to get home.
both of my cousins are fine too. one, who was in the financial district.
everyone is fine.
even my aunt who works in DC called to let us know she was fine.
all my friends who work in the financial district were intact. god bless.
james, made it out ok.
iris, watched both buildings get attacked and be destroyed right from her office window.
monty, was stuck in the subway under the world trade center while it collapsed. she made it out ok, although she's quite traumatized.
and all bon and i could do, is watch the news and make phone calls to everyone we know, so they could get together in the city and be with each other.
mr. wonderful even called from canada to see how things were.
.........................
we all have family and friends that are in the city. we know those who work for NYPD and FDNY.
and i thought of richie, the firefighter i onced dated. we had met during halloween last year.
he met me in my jackie o. costume.
he was out there today saving lives. 400 firefighters went out today. and 200 of them are dead.
i pray to god that he is not one of them.
i pray.
i hope he is well. i hope he was off duty today and was here on the island, and it took him forever to get to the city, and he's still standing, with a heartbeat, still saving lives.
my heart goes out to you, richard poole. i hope you are intact and in good health.
...................................
i don't know what to say anymore, really.
things will be forever changed. things will be empty. hearts will feel empty.
....................................
i hate to think that i will be looking in the obituaries in the next few weeks, and finding people i know, or once knew, now or one time or another.
................................
i feel stripped.
stripped of everything that was once me.
it's a whole different mindset now.
how could someone ever do that? what makes people tick like that? who the fuck is that mentally fucking demented to just wreak havoc??
..................................
i'm at a loss...
10:51 p.m. - 2001-09-11
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