i've been so goddamn exhausted.
i either sleep too much or too little.
and then to add to the exhaustion, it's like a big bag of shit has been dropped over my head.
and i've been walking around with this stink, that just won't go away.
i give up on michael.
kicked to the curb...
my parents go away to miami to visit my grandmother.
the same day my brother decides to disappear for two hours.
i am mother hen at the moment.
the next morning the boy decides to steal my mother's car at 6am.
does he think we will not notice that a benz is missing out of the drive way? the car is an isor.
i am fast asleep when my dear housekeeper comes in my bedroom at 7am to tell me that she thinks the little shit took the car.
i had to call the units in florida, and well let's just say my dear dense brother is going to be beaten into a bloody pulp when they come back.
i don't know what the boy was thinking, i'd like to know how he was going to get away with that, if came home at 2 in the afternoon. "oh, look.. the car just magically appeared!"
to top the evening off, my grandmother has a stroke.
i don't even know where to start with that.
i can't express it.
all i know is that i wanted to get out of my house and intoxicate myself.
but i stayed in friday night, and spoke to bon for three hours.
when i told her about my grandmother, tears came to my eyes, my voice quivered... and then i stopped it before the emotions overflowed.
i don't know why i do this?
it's habit now.
probably a really bad habit too.
i went out last night though.
weekend comes, and it's like clockwork.
MUST INFUSE BODY WITH ALCOHOL
numbs all the little irritations of the week. so when monday comes, it's all brand new.
to add to that. i took up smoking again.
i can't quit. i thought maybe with lent, i could cut down. you know, give it up till easter, maybe by then i won't have the urge to smoke.
it's no good. it's like i need to multitask, otherwise i feel i am of no use.
beer in one hand, and smoke in the other.
i'm trying to keep this nasty habit to weekends, with the infusion of alcohol.
so far... i've been holding up ok, i guess.
i think i need a little break.
i want to go on vacation.
sit on beach and relax.
even if it's just for 45 minutes.
without daylight's saving time fucking up everything.
they should have places like that. generic beaches that people can flock to during cold weather... oh! and with spa treament!
lay out on the fake shore, or get a massage while those high voltage ultra violet light's rays crisp you to a nice tan.
ok, i'm done here.. i think i made my point.
bag of poo, need shower...
3:34 a.m. - 2001-04-02
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