so much to tell, to vent.. just plain ol' shit. i've been lazy with my diary. but since i've inherited my grandmother's insomnia why not take the opportunity in the wee hours of the morn.
well my cousin monique's baby shower went well last friday... although there was a bit of a culture clash between the fams. it's was like plaids and stripes. just didn't hit off on the right foot. but that incident isn't so particular as who kept calling me that whole weekend.
of all people i least expected to hear from was my exboyfriend pete (bad alcoholic). he called twice friday.. then on saturday, then sunday.. and monday... it was really until he got to see my face.. which he could hardly look at (not that i'm hideous now), but more on that later.. b/c i need to tell about the conversation which was just as intriguing and almost absurd.
when he first called friday it was brief, b/c i was getting ready for the baby shower, but he called later that night after the baby shower, and that's when it started to unfold..
i only really remember specific things, the ones that caught my attention, b/c i was drivenless by his rambling.
i remember him saying how he was upset how we hadn't spoken in 2 years. apparently he was keeping count, b/c i didn't realize it was that long. i had said that i called him at one time.. he never returned my message.. so that was that. so we not talking or seeing each other, is not my fault. so then he goes on how he misses me.... according to him.. he doesn't miss like all lovey-dovey(he so does though), but miss ME... all about me... hanging out and talking and blah blah blah. and he said something about wanting to tell me more about that, but it was an inappropiate time. i really tuned out the rest. except when i told him i lived in albany for a summer and i made references to my ex (man after him). when i mentioned i lived upstate.. he blatantly asked me if i had alot of sex. hello?! so just to bruised his ego i said "yes! i had alot of sex!".. he also had asked me if i was with someone at time i called him (um yeah).. and he asked why.. i had to come up with something along the friends line... and then he asked if i loved my ex... and i said yes. apparently he probably still thought that i could love no one but him, and i would never have sex with another man, b/c i was asexual.. i don't know where all this is going, but he called monday.. and came by to see me briefly. he had band practice. so we walked around my house and chatted a bit about what's going on in our lives and joked... i was waiting for him to tell me whatever it was he desperately wanted to tell, but he couldn't even look me in the eye.. i think i might have frightened him a bit, b/c i wasn't seeming as vulnerable as i guess he hoped i would be. it was almost disappointing. like i needed him to tell me this "thing". but i have put myself in check.. he treated me like shit.. and made me miserable. i'll have to ask him about that.. if i ever get the urge to see him again.. i need some questions answered. like why was he so mean to me? i don't know what to do with myself.. and i certainly can not do him. that's bad news right there. i have too many thoughts running through my head.. and there's too little space.... and i'm tired... and delirium is sneaking up on me. it's time... the sandman is slowly approaching..
06:41:39 - 2000-07-23
Recent entries:
Thirsty Bitches and Desperate Housewives - 2019-07-15
brighter shade of green grows the grass - 2003-06-29
and more thoughts... - 2003-06-02
so many questions so little answers - 2003-05-27
i didn't need alcohol or drugs... - 2003-05-18
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
Gr8legs
onecarparade
ladeeleroy
bigboy
jewelia