ah... feels nice to vent on keyboard again.
my hardrive crashed, and i was unable to write and do all that other internet stuff.. and i had alot going on too.
but my wonderful friend bonnie got me a leather bound journal, so i can write. whenever, wherever. it helps keep my sanity.
so to quickly update.
mike had been acting like real jerk for a while. apparently he had his hands full with some other flavor of the month, week? who knows. all i know is, the few times we crossed each other's paths, he had, like, groupies. nice, eh?
one of his friends, who i already knew was a pig, was hitting on me, one night, when mike wasn't around. when i told him i don't make rounds with the friends, because i think it's disrespectful, he got peeved, and told me that i would be going home alone that night (no i wasn't.. i was going home with friends), and he'd see me when i got lucky.
i was so close to giving him a fat lip, but given the certain circumstances i was under;
1)mike and i not on very good talking terms
2)his other friends were there
3)which could all lead to people talking shit
definitely don't need that.
so i left it as is.
like water off a rock, right?
so while that's all going on, pete and i have been hanging out lately.
we went out for drinks this past friday night. i drank one too many that night. more than i wanted too... and was becoming an emotional drunk. not good. but i tried to keep it under control.
i knew the guy was up to something when he asked to slow dance to "wild horses".
of course me not being the mushy type played it off like nothing.
went home, passed out on the bathroom floor for about 15 minutes, yakked, got my pj's on, and called pete. just because he's the only person i know i can call at 3am and not get beef.
now here's where it gets tricky.. or sketchy.
he finally realizes i was the best thing that ever happened to him. i was "an amazing girlfriend", "you don't know what you had until it's gone..". and all this ego inducing things were being said. oh, and of course, the classic.. "i miss you".
now the conversation mostly revolved around something that he told me when we were still together. he told me he was going to marry me one day. (so did mr. wonderful). that night on the phone he told me, he never forgot that. and every single day he had to be reminded of those words because on his way to work he had to pass my street. he knew right from the beginning that his last relationship wasn't going to work out because of me, but we had so much shit, not water, shit under the bridge that there was nothing to do but give time.
the time that has passed to make me realize no matter how much we've been through, and much i love the guy.. it will never happen.
solitude is pretty good at the moment. getting into a relationship and having your whole world turned upside down, which can be a good thing, is not for me.
of course leave it to mike to do that.
today at work i was floored when he walked in to visit. i was by myself, and i had no customers. music's blaring, and i'm glazing ceramics.
'lo and behold michael appears. scared the shit out of me too. he was the last person i would expect to walk in. he said he was "in the neighborhood". i laughed, because we're not even close. then he told me had to return a video, and thought he'd stop by. but the video never got returned.
something bit him in the ass.
he stuck around until i closed up and then we went and got an early dinner.
he took me home, and i thanked him for the ride home, dinner, and stopping by. he went to kiss me, but i gave him the cheek, and casually said, "give me a call, maybe we'll hang out sometime.."
he's a sweetie, but real dirtbag too..
*sigh*
must balance...
1:07am - 2001-03-19
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