the other day i confided in mr.wonderful about my testing and how scared i was, and he acted like a "fucking asshole". we were having a conversation, and he all of a sudden turns everything into some joke. and i felt shitty, and got really really really angry. i asked why does he always do that?! and he bails out.
so i wrote him and called him a "fucking asshole", told him to never speak to me, write to me, call me... nothing.. ever again, because i'm clouded by my illusion of him being "wonderful". he's not. he fucks with me. and i couldn't handle it anymore. so i told him i can't deal with him fucking around with my feelings. i can't regress into that moment my heart felt like it stopped beating and shriveled up into a raisin because of him. it was the worse feeling ever. i felt like i was gutted from everything that made me feel wonderful. and i don't want that feeling. and i don't want to cry about him anymore. i told him to fuck off.
he responds with "don't worry.. i won't".
i could only say.. thank you.
12:34 am - 2000-12-08
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