i'm starting to lose my patience.. with men.
i'm starting not to care. i feel myself just droning into routine. i feel mindless. i feel i lack something.. soft.
bonnie came to visit friday. and three of us girls (erin included) decided to go out for a few drinks and talk and catch up. after sitting in the bar for while, we started to get a little bored. we needed a little enticement. so we went to the inn. and as i walked in i saw dan, mike's roomie, and we said hello, and i look over to see mike with his arms wrapped around some heifer fawning all over him.
so i winked, smiled.. and gave him the thumbs up and walked on by.
i laughed.. and laughed and laughed and laughed.
bonnie was bitter for me. she wasn't drinking and was feeling the need to cause trouble.
erin, thought i was going to cry.
i laughed.
bonnie kept an eye and noticed that they left... and left the girl standing by herself.
i was commented on my good sportsmanship. because i handled the situation, "so cool...".
but i can't get angry. i don't any right to be angry. we never had anything going on. we were never any sort of item. he can do want he pleases. yeah it was fucked up. but i can't be angry, and i'm not either.
it still doesn't make him any less of a pussy (not to mention a liar) for just jetting out like that and not even saying hello.
what he doesn't know that it's a small town, and no matter who he meets, we all have little eye spies everywhere, so he has to be careful how he takes care of his shit, or he could become the town slut. yeah.. so mike is a trick.
erin saw him at the parade the day after. actually one of his roommates noticed erin, nudged mike to look back and just kept on walking. i wasn't there.
i'm a little annoyed.
but what can a girl do?
except take care of whatever it is i've got to do.
which makes me think, should i even feel the way that i do?
can i lack "softness" and still be a delicious girl?
22:10:04 - 2000-10-09
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