i know it's been a while.
i had to stop writing. probably for all the reasons... for this was my only therapy.
so many i could have released by now, and i've been waiting... for me to burst.
i feel stripped, violated, dirty, weathered..
for various things.
i wouldn't know where to begin.
hmmm...
while my mother was away...
i caught my father with another woman. outside my house with said whore sitting in the driver's seat and smoking a cigarette in my MOTHER'S CAR.
my relationship with him as been even more different than it was before.
i made the mistake of telling my brother and he told mother...
and well it opened a pandora's box of shit.
while my father was away...
my mother made me pretend i was her and the call the credit card company asked what were the charges of over $2,000.
it was a bedroom set.
queen size platform bed
6 drawer chest
$1,000 worth of bed linens and things.
i don't know where it went because it wasn't in our home.
that day i saw my mother cry. a lot.
and it broke my heart.
there has been yelling of all kinds. fighting. throwing of things.
dad's girlfriend is a stripper. her best friend works for my father. this best friend is also my father's confidante.
my mother made him get rid of both them.
now my parents are going to therapy.
..................................
my social life is what it is. i meet men. i date them. sometimes i don't hear from them. sometimes i don't call them back. and i don't care.
i bumped into mike one night, said hello, and walked away.
i dance on bars, have my picture taken my promoting DJ's and bands, shake my ass and flip my hair around on the dance floor with my girlfriends, and drink as if it weren't a problem.
i slept with one of my closest guyfriends in a druken-high stupor.
and it wasn't anything special.
in a way i was disappointed..
no one knows about it. hopefully know one will know about.
we decided to keep things hush.
he was his usual self. i had to ease into that.. it had been like 8 months since i got laid.
........................
had another major nose bleed today. i think it's time to get things checked out.
i'm having a bit of pressure pain above my sinuses now...
really uncomfortable...
11:55 p.m. - 2002-06-10
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and more thoughts... - 2003-06-02
so many questions so little answers - 2003-05-27
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