the coldsores are all gross and scabby, but healed!
um, i don't think i'll be facing the world yet.
i still feel horrendous.
..................
on my walk home from work, someone in a red pickup honked at me and stuck his arm out to wave.
i think it was mike.
i hope it was skanky stranger.
.......................
it's so silly that some of us believe that if we think about it enough it will come true, but don't anticipate or speak of it, or you might be disappointed.
it's wishful thinking.
we make billions of wishes, without any anticipation, because in the back of our minds we think that they will never come true. but if maybe, only maybe we wish for it more than once it will fall in our laps. some day. one day.
it's like being four years old and believing that santa is actually going to find a way into your house to leave you presents because you don't have a chimney. yet you are suspicious how all of this is going to occur. if you were twelve years old.
i wish for one day i had all the excitement a four year old has.
just to forget what it's like to be an adult.
to look forward to chocolate chip cookies instead of a cocoberry cabana.
.............................
i need to stop making myself miserable like this.
i should just stop thinking altogether.
4:49 p.m. - 2001-07-26
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