i've been miserably bored. this week... god! this damn year as just been shitty to me. i get a taste of something good and then it turns sour.
i've been off from school, and i have two more weeks of no school, until i go back. the gallery (my job) closed this week, because it's winter recess. so everyone is on vacation.
i never got to go away to albany, i never got to talk to bon about it, instead the girl flees to visit another friend of ours, and doesn't let me know.
mike flaked out on me again this evening. i swear.. i must be causing my heart some serious damage... and doing so blindly. i don't know... we spoke thursday night, and said maybe we'd get together tonight... called him since i don't think he knows how to dial my phone number and he wasn't home.
then again, he might have gone away skiing this weekend. he was telling me about this earlier this week.
ugh! i'm just miserable, lonely, and bored. everyone is either away, not around, busy, or working or stupid. and i'm just sleeping later and later, flicking channels away at the television.
i'm having a great hair day, i'm shaved, and groomed, and i have a new j.crew sweater, which i got on sale and no where to go and nothing to do. i've had two great saturday's i've could've spent carelessly, without having to complain that i have to get home because i have to work the next day. and they just went to waste.. again watching the telly.
so far the only great highlights of this break are mike treating me to dinner and giving me a rose, and going to the city lastnight and bar hop with some friends.
but even those are disappointing..
mike making it up to me out of guilt, i suppose. nothing meaningul, i bet.
and bar hopping, and not getting hit on by any men, except some weird ass freaks, who can neither speak english, or are too drunk to be coherent.
i must've forgotten to put on deordorant or tuck in my peepee or something...
and to add to that, i'm not calling mike anymore...
i know. i say this all the time. but he's likely playing me for a fool. and the fact that i now know another girl exist (although i don't think she knows i do). and i don't have any qualms about that... but i do want him for myself.. i go out and meet other men.. and i'm not interested. that says something. but it's a no-can do-er. so like the original plan, must detach.
so now that i'm done whining...
i'll go detach while i smoke a ciggy....
and sulk instead.
3:07am - 2001-02-25
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