i went and got tested today.
i sat in the waiting room for nearly 40 minutes.
just a tad jittery.
then they called me up and i thought, "this is it", but they wanted to ask me a series of questions.
name
address
social security
can we call your home and say planned parenthood
i said no, they said if they call they'd say 'norma'
then they asked my ethnicity
marital status
ever been pregnant
how old am i
blah blah blah
by then i had a giant knot in my stomach, and they sent back into the waiting room to sit some more.
i thought i was going to puke my brains out. my anxiety level was skyrocketing.
finally this man calls me in, and i sit in this tiny office, and asks how anxious i was. i was very.
he asked if i was high risk. of course. i put myself in high risk situations. he tried to comfort me by saying there are people who are extreme high risk like sharing needles and fucking in every orifice of the body, and there's just high risk, where people don't protect themselves in sexual encounters. ok that's me. i told him how much i felt like a jackass, because when i was in HS, i worked in a community center as an peer AIDS educator. i went around schools and taught kids about aids and std's and handed out condoms and all that. and now, i'm being a hypocrite. but he was very understanding, and gave me the "all people make mistakes" thing.
he also asked when was the last time i had unprotected sex.
i said last week.
that's when he told me i have to come back next month and get tested again (by this time i have fucking rocks churning in my stomach. no! boulders!) because it won't show up right away on this test. it takes 6-12 weeks to detect it.
and i have to pay $60.
sigh.
so he gives me this spongy toothbrush thingy, and i have to rub the inside of my cheek with it, and then let it sit in my mouth for two minutes.
while waiting i sign papers, take condoms (yes, this would be smart, i thought).
and he wishes me a pre-happy birthday, since my birthday is next friday.
i take the spongy toothbrush out, pick a time and date to come back and get my results, stuff the spongy thing in a little tube, and he tells me they air mail them to kansas.
so i'll will get my results saturday at 12:15pm.
i walked out of there lighting up like a fucking chimney and nearly smoking myself to death. aimlessy walking through downtown manhattan, trying to find pag's building where she was having classes. she got out at 4:30. i found the building at 4:20 and stood outside and waited. she knew about my testing, and she said she might go too this week. i needed her right then, or otherwise i would go home and just bang my head against the wall. so we hung out, and she's coming with me on saturday to get my results.
and well... i prayed to god today for strength, happiness, and good health.
and i haven't been let down yet.
4:11 am - 2000-12-06
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