ahhh, i've been a bad little girl. i have not been going to classes because i'm too damn lazy to wake up at 7am! i keep missing my math class, with that cute professor... and i'm a fucking idiot because i even missed a test last thursday. i don't know what it is.
i think i lost my juice.
i've been feeling crummy, kind of sad too. i've been thinking about sherri, and how i wish i called more often.. and now grandma (my dad's mom) is not doing too well.
grandma said something a little disturbing a couple of months ago. she said in spanish, as i will translate, "i am slowlying turning off..".
and i'm feeling a little guilty, because i for some reason keep refraining from speaking to her on the phone everytime my family calls her. my mother told she sounds depressed, and my father is going out to see her friday and spending a week with her.
she's dying.
i know this because i saw the same behavior with my great-grandmother. a woman i truly and only admire. a woman who can replace no other.
my mother went out to see her too before she past away.
i remember i wanted to go with my mother. she is/was the only person i wanted to see.
something's happened though. and i don't want to get all analytical about it, and deep root all my actions and thoughts. but the same thing i'm doing with grandma, i did with sherri. and in different cases where no one is dying, i do the same thing.
i subconsciously avoid people, places, and such, that i know i will no longer see, and miss greatly, because the pain will be greater.
i avoid it because i'll miss it too much.
hmph....
...........................................................
on another thought..
i have a freaking paper due on thursday, and i have no printer anywhere!!!! so that my paper is just ready!
i don't know how i'm going to do this.. i barely have time to wipe my ass this week. i don't know what i'm doing up right now. i should be in bed so i can wake up early. i have to have this paper in by 11:30am thursday. i have to sleep now so i can get up tomorrow to be at work at 11am till 7pm. i have to do the paper somehow, and find a way to print it somewhere, before i get to class the next day, which happens to be a full day for me. i don't get home till like 7-8pm. i hate this!! i could call in sick, but i NEEEEEEEEEEED money. badly.
and now to jump into another thought...
mike. he's so goddamn cute, i should've known better. i haven't heard from him since.. oohh who knows! but i was so smitten, that i was borderline of falling over the smitteness, and keeping myself in check. i had to constantly remind myself to keep myself in check, so i don't make myself all boy dizzy. cute, sweet-oozing boys like that are bad news. so smitten that i was, easily disappointed into losing interest in all males after that incident at the bar. it's guys like him that do shit like that, that make me just gag when an interested spectator comes along. bad news, just bad news i tell you..
i need a break...
a fucking break from everything...
04:16:11 - 2000-10-18
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